17.11.09

Domestication and Care of the Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus

"If I ever go to the hospital again I think you and Tessa should just stay home."

steiler

"What?! Why?!"

"Because you guys are obnoxious."

"But... But... We were there to love and support you! As a family!"

"Tessa tried to lick the chair in the emergency room so she could 'catch MRSA and stay home from school.'"

tessa

(Tessa also demanded coffee from the lobby vending machine, because "hospitals always have the best coffee," loudly and repeatedly suggested The Boss be seen by 'House,' tried to take the brake off the hospital bed so The Boss would go careening down the hallway in a comical slapstick fashion, complained about how boring it was being separated from her iPod, laughed and reminisced about one of her best friends being sent to the emergency room and having to wear "the ass-gown," and waxed romantic over the possibility of somehow contracting a spiral fracture of the femur, again so she could stay home from school, I suppose as a back-up in case someone came along with a way to cure her beloved Tongue MRSA.)

"Your family loves you and wanted to be with you and make sure you were OK!"

"I was OK! I didn't even need to go in the first place. And I know I got sick from all those people in the waiting room, all those — excuse my language — white trash. They were all hacking and coughing... And sweating... I tried to wait for the doctor outside, but I had to drink that juice, that stuff, and I just know some germs got in me."

"I'm sorry you got a cold, but I'm glad you're OK, and not, like, going to die or anything. Well, you know, any time soon. I was worried! I care about you!"

"I know. It was stressing me out."

"I went out and got you Boston Market!"

"Boston Market does have the best mac 'n' cheese."

29 comments:

Drew said...

Mmmmmm, macaroni and cheese.

Nate said...

mac and cheese and MRSA- sounds like redneck thanksgiving...

~Nate

ozma said...

Eep! I think that's very sweet about the Boston Market. And that's love for sure.

I remember doing things like that, licking chairs so I could get sick and stay home from school. Now I just eat raw eggs and hope I get salmonella so I can stay home from work.

h.h. aspaspia said...

Boston Market!

Patrick Hughes said...

I used to avoid franchise restaurants, but they're kind of inevitable in family life, unless your family is hippies. Anyway, one of the things I have learned through domestidicationizing is Boston Market has really good mac 'n' cheese.

Anonymous said...

Oh yay! Just found your new blog. Of course it's not so new anymore but whatever.

Fresh Hell, Texas said...

I love Tessa. If I had had a daughter, I hope she would have been just like her.

In addition to franchise restaurants, group outings to the ER are inevitable part of family life.

As in your family, in our family the visits typically end with the patient irritated and having to be bribed with good food to agree to go back home. I'm glad The Boss is okay.

gutshot said...

Loved the heading. Its nice to know that my family is not the only one who makes light of nearly everything hospital-related whenever we're in there. It do keep the heebie-jeebies at bay, but its hard to keep up indefinitely...
Glad she's home!

Sandi said...

What men don't realize is that once you're a mom.. a trip to the hospital room ER borders on a blissful spa vacation.

scott said...

You should have recreated scenes from the delightful Fat Boys' movie "Disorderlies" to cheer her up. It would have worked with me.

Amber said...

I feel strongly that using the words "white trash" never needs to be excused. It is like a sweet short cut to get where you're going with a description in half the time. No excuse necessary!

ben said...

"white trash" - HEY! i resemble that remark :)

progress lighting said...

I think your blog title says it all

Anonymous said...

Please post a Christmas blog update!

Anonymous said...

I second that!

Willy said...

Hoping The Boss is OK.

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Maggie May said...

I want to be seen by House too

cadiz12 said...

my job takes me to different parts of the hospital, including the emergency department. don't let Tessa find out about C-dif.

SKG said...

Why you want to put the doo doo on The Papa?

Also, why don't you write another blog post before I DIE OF OLD AGE?

Thanks!

Pattaya Bar Girls said...

great blog name :-)

Anonymous said...

Are you alive? I miss your posts and hope you're just incredibly busy with a real life.

Some Christmas pictures would be FAAAABULOUS!

Anonymous said...

C'mon, willya. Willya please? C'mon. Damn.

Republibot 3.0 said...

Wow. Nothing in 348 days. I think it's official: BNH has found something better to do with his time.

Onyx said...

OK, I'm officially in withdrawl.

Sara said...

Echo, echo, echo...

gutshot said...

Wow. When the word verification prompt is "flart", i feel like not commenting would be ruder than just sitting here wondering if Hughes is cloistered in a compound walled in with pointy logs.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed your blogs. I hope things are going well.

jr said...

I hope PH has not been permanently silenced by a pernicious and hidden ass cancer. He seemed to be in perfect health.