The holidays were pretty sedate around here.
We decorated, like, a robot tree and shit, and mostly just took it easy.
The kids dressed up all fancy.
Also, some underpants.
A couple of weeks went by and then this last Saturday was my birthday. I turned 40.
We rented movies and ordered pizza. I let Tessa drive.
She just got her permit and is still learning, but she's picking it up real quick. Also, mustache.
Caitlynn with that goatee was really reminding me of Scott Ian from Anthrax, which was pretty great.
I pointed out the Scott Ian thing and the kids were like, "Oh yeah, the bald guy from that old band," a comment that didn't exactly make me feel 39.
Anyway we went to get movies and Hollywood Video was pretty cool about the whole thing. They didn't call the cops or yell.
The girls did a lot of yelling, though. I got a lot of insight into how men look from the female perspective during our little outing.
"Heeyyy, it's fuckin' Scent of a Woman, alright!"
"Yo dawg, check it out, mutha fuckin' Sapphire Girls, yeah!"
No, Giuseppe. Just no.
"Fuck, let's go get the MOTHERFUCKIN' PIZZA, dawg! MOTHERFUCKIN' PIZZA, YEAH."
"Mutha fuck I'm gonna eat me some PAPA JOHN'S, NIGGA! PAPA MUH FUCKIN' JOHN'S, YEAH YEAH! WHAT? WHAT? FUCK YOU."
"Yeah, nigga. Papa John's."
Apparently men are all belligerent, bellowing morons.
"Bitch, I'm gonna eat nine pieces of mutha fuckin' Papa John's... I'm gonna eat TWELVE MUTHA FUCKIN' PIECES OF PAPA JOHN'S!"
"BITCH, GET ME SOME RANCH!"
"FUCK YOU BITCH I SHAVED OFF MY MUSTACHE SO I COULD EAT MY PAPA JOHN'S AND I'M SO FULL OF TESTOSTERONE I'M GONNA GROW IT RIGHT BACK AFTER DINNER SO FUCK YOU!!!"
"Bitch, I'm gonna eat SIXTEEN fuckin' pieces of Papa John's and drink a case of beer and DO THE MUTHA FUCKIN' DISHES ON TUESDAY OR WHENEVER I FUCKIN' FEEL LIKE IT BITCH!"
Later we had some birthday cake.
Labels: balls mustache mustache-balls