26.1.09

Mustache Birthday

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The holidays were pretty sedate around here.

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We decorated, like, a robot tree and shit, and mostly just took it easy.

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The kids dressed up all fancy.

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Also, some underpants.

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A couple of weeks went by and then this last Saturday was my birthday. I turned 40.

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We rented movies and ordered pizza. I let Tessa drive.

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She just got her permit and is still learning, but she's picking it up real quick. Also, mustache.

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Also, goatee.

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Caitlynn with that goatee was really reminding me of Scott Ian from Anthrax, which was pretty great.

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I pointed out the Scott Ian thing and the kids were like, "Oh yeah, the bald guy from that old band," a comment that didn't exactly make me feel 39.

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Also, eyebrows.

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Anyway we went to get movies and Hollywood Video was pretty cool about the whole thing. They didn't call the cops or yell.

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The girls did a lot of yelling, though. I got a lot of insight into how men look from the female perspective during our little outing.

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"Heeyyy, it's fuckin' Scent of a Woman, alright!"

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"Yo dawg, check it out, mutha fuckin' Sapphire Girls, yeah!"

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No, Giuseppe. Just no.

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"Fuck, let's go get the MOTHERFUCKIN' PIZZA, dawg! MOTHERFUCKIN' PIZZA, YEAH."

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"Mutha fuck I'm gonna eat me some PAPA JOHN'S, NIGGA! PAPA MUH FUCKIN' JOHN'S, YEAH YEAH! WHAT? WHAT? FUCK YOU."

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"Yeah, nigga. Papa John's."

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Apparently men are all belligerent, bellowing morons.

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"Bitch, I'm gonna eat nine pieces of mutha fuckin' Papa John's... I'm gonna eat TWELVE MUTHA FUCKIN' PIECES OF PAPA JOHN'S!"

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"BITCH, GET ME SOME RANCH!"

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"FUCK YOU BITCH I SHAVED OFF MY MUSTACHE SO I COULD EAT MY PAPA JOHN'S AND I'M SO FULL OF TESTOSTERONE I'M GONNA GROW IT RIGHT BACK AFTER DINNER SO FUCK YOU!!!"

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"Bitch, I'm gonna eat SIXTEEN fuckin' pieces of Papa John's and drink a case of beer and DO THE MUTHA FUCKIN' DISHES ON TUESDAY OR WHENEVER I FUCKIN' FEEL LIKE IT BITCH!"

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Later we had some birthday cake.

26 comments:

Candy said...

I wanna party at your house.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

We had birthday cake this weekend too - and it looked a lot like yours. WalMart? :-)

The Dude said...

Umm...not to be a butthole, but Papa John's blows goats.

Domesticrazy said...

It's so great to see your influence on the kids these days. Happy Birthday!

I'm off to dress my own charges in mustaches and thick eyebrows...

mamadaisy said...

happy birthday, old man.

CodeMonkey said...

Happy birthday!
O, and I don't think Tessa should be allowed to hold knives. She seems to get that same scary eyed psycho look each time (refer back to the Chocolate Fucking Terror Apocolypse post). I reckon it's only a matter of time before someone ends up needing stitches.

ozma said...

Happy Birthday!!!!!!

God, I hated being a teenager but this capacity for absurd amusement--and thinking (probably wrongly) you got away with it--was one thing that I actually remember being fun. With us, it was the hammer and sickle t-shirts at Disneyland.

You know Patrick, it's so good to see you keeping those kids off drugs and stuff. Although you might want to work on the nutrition thing.

h.h. aspaspia said...

Happy Birthday, Patrick!

Tessa does loves dem knives, don't she?

arollerskatingjam said...

Happy Birthday!

unclemike said...

You lead a muthafukkin charmed life, nigga.

Ambitious Blonde said...

You are brilliant. Oh, and happy belated birthday.

Salty Miss Jill said...

Happy happy!

gutshot said...

Why no little black dress for the birthday boy? I'm relieved-disappointed-elated.

Susskins said...

Happy Birthday.

Tessa is A Goddess. A vengeful one, I suspect.

Anonymous said...

what a brethren you have...

J said...

Reppin GAR to the FULLEST!! What!!

Happy Birthday, godd

JG

James Crawford said...

Guiseppe kinda looks like a cross between Terence Howard and Downtown Julie Brown.

Gutshot said...

As time creeps on for our hero
his personal polyp army multiplies, making him a player
in the netherworld of colonic warcraft.

Huzzah!

Sly in Senegal said...

So glad your back Pat. You have made a terrible day a little bit brighter

styro said...

I could not for the life of me figure out why Tessa was wearing eyebrows in your flickr stream and now I see IT WAS FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. So, happy birthday, Patrick!

Sorry I'm like, a month late to the party.

Gabe said...

What? No holiday pic's with fam. Or are you saving them for a follow up book? I'm gald to see your back blogging.

Kali said...

I think Tessa fuckin' rocks.

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Sanger Daniela said...

The answer you are seeking out for is that Ian is been known to be a doll house making fiend

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