Laundry night

"Hey Tessa, how much longer you reckon until your clothes are dry?"

"I don't know."


"I don't know."

"Tessa, I got shit I need I put in there tonight. How much longer?"

"I don't know."

"God damn it Tessa, I'm not asking you to know! I'm asking you to reckon!"

"But I don't know!"

"I didn't ask if you knew! I asked you to reckon!"





"I don't know how. I don't know how to reckon."

"Oh. It's, uh, it's like guessing, but for rednecks."


"So how much longer until your clothes are dry, you reckon?"

"Fifty squirrels."

"Oh. Huh. Well, um, I think we have some work to do on the unit of measurement, but that's not bad. For a first time and all."

"Fifty squirrels. On that them there laundry machine."


Anonymous said...

We need background information on this Tessa.

CodeMonkey said...

Yayyy! PAt's Back!
And commentable!
Welcome back.

cIII said...

It used to take Fifty Squirrels for me as well. But with the Upgrade to a Front Loading Washer,

I rackon it takes Two Chipmunks and One Naked MoleRat.

Patrick Hughes said...

The background info on Tessa is me praying every night to Jesus to put a baby in my tummy and months and months after kneeling and concentrating and praying I was simply fat but had hooked up with someone who brought a teenage daughter to the deal and I love her just as much as if it were me that pooped her out into the world.

Candy said...

And she's getting such an education! It's a win win for both of you.

pagalina said...

and she catches on fast to redneckese. I had to buy them plastic diskies to learn me some redneckese. and I'm still not fluid.

Tessa said...

Tessa is a fabulous name.
I reckon.

xfileluv said...

Oh. Snap. I love Presidente beer! Sadly, no one in my area carries. After coming back from the Dominican Republic a friend is trying to talk someone locally into getting it for us. It looks so yummy here!!!!

Megan said...

Tessa's a learner.

Anonymous said...

Is you be's makin' fun a rednecks agin? Ima git yew gawddammit! No boddy makes funna rednecks on mah watch, yew here?
-Uncle Daddy
Pee Ess: Ah is now legully married tew mah granddaughter's step-daughter's mother-in-law. We went to Walgreen's on are hunnymoon.

Pallas said...

May I respectfully recommend that Tessa be in (at minimum) the background of every photo that you post? Her expressions are HYSTERICAL.

Particularly when contrasted with the withering glare that The Boss seems to regularly fix upon you. Not that you don't deserve it. I worked for YEARS to perfect my withering glare. It's my best weapon.

Anonymous said...

Who's Tessa?

Dude, is Tessa your daughter?

I think it's a little creepy for a 39 year old guy to be hanging out with a 24 year old chiquita.

However, perhaps she loves and lusts after you as I do, so I'll let it go.



Anonymous said...

Oops you know what, I should have read the rest of the comments.




I am still totally in love with you. Despite the breeding.