13.10.08

I Am a Controversial Motherfucker

ducky1
"Hey baby, check it out! I don't think I need the fake blood or the knife. Just the costume alone is pretty creepy!"

"Whoah. Um, you can't wear that."

"What?"

"You can't wear that costume!"

"What are you talking about, I can't wear it?! I look awesome! I look like Brian Posehn raped Huey, Dewey and Louie."

"Look at it. You've got a camel toe."

ducky4

"Yeah, so? It's just..."

"It's a camel toe. It's not a good look for a man. You can't wear it."

"See here, now, you're not the boss of me. I can wear it if I want."

"No."

"C'mon! It's just a little camel toe."

ducky2

"It's not appropriate for work. No."

"But it makes the costume extra creepy for Halloween!"

"No. Children will be coming to the house for candy. You can't wear it."

"Kids think balls and weiners and stuff are hilarious!"

"NO."

"What if I adjust it around a little and..."

ducky3

"NO. If you try to wear that thing I will hide it. I will throw it out."

"God damn it all to hell, you're not going to throw out my ducky costume!"

"I will. I'll do it for your own good."

"I'm a grown man in motherfucking America and I can make my own damn choices! I can make my own damn mistakes!"

"YOU. CAN'T. WEAR. IT."

"You know what?! I don't even want to wear it! It cinches up on my balls! It's uncomfortable! I don't even really have any motherfucking goddamn intention of wearing it! But I don't want you telling me what to do!"

"If you try to wear it I'll just throw it away."

"Fucking shit! Do it! Do it and see what happens! See if I don't go around town and buy up every fucking ducky costume I can find and hide them all over the city! You can't throw away every ducky costume in the world! I'll wear it and hike it up on my balls and walk around with a giant wad of camel toe and wave it around in the faces of small children and rub it on everyone at work! Just watch me! See if I don't!"

"You're not going to wear it, and that's final."

"YAAAHHH!!! YAH! YAH! YAAAAHHHH!!!"

"You might be bigger than me, but just remember: you're going to have to sleep sometime."

24 comments:

owner said...

Balls!

Megan said...

your arguments are futile.

Susskins said...

Don't be putting the Tub Weiner in there.

sgazzetti said...

Fight the (male-camel-toe-oppressing) power!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Ahhhh, sweet, sweet married life.

Joan of Argghh! said...

Huh. First thing I noticed was the moobs.

:o)

cIII said...

Baby Huey's of the World, Unite!

Patrick Hughes said...

Moobs? Those are pecs! Pecs!!! ...OK, maybe mecs. Poobs?

Joan of Argghh! said...

Ah, yes! Pecs.

But then, yeah, I noticed the camel-toe action.

***
Baby Huey. Heh.

pagalina said...

Some folks call that a moose knuckle.

CodeMonkey said...

Sorry, I have to agree with the lady, not a good look. And on a guy, it's worse than a mumbler* on a woman.
And like Joan, I too noticed the moobs before anything else...

(* Mumbler - Tighter than a camel toe - you can see the lips moving but can't make out what they're trying to say)

Army of Mom said...

I'm so happy to see you back and blogging. I tried to get my husband to call me The Boss and he just laughed at me.

*bowing to your beloved wife*

LeeAnn said...

Well, I thought it was a good costume. Just pad the hell out of the nether regions, that would kill the toe.

Strange Biller said...

The only way that costume would be creepier would be if you were actually sodomizing a goat while you were wearing it.

glen said...

You know what that costume needs? A knife.

Keith said...

There's only one obvious course of action.

Your dad still got that Batman costume from the 1980s?

Peter Lynn said...

She can't throw it away if you simply don't take it off between now and Hallowe'en.

Bitter Betty said...

Dude, you need a bro.

Jason said...

man, where did you get it? I must have one!

Anonymous said...

My next door neighbor's 6 year old is about to turn 7. How much do you charge for parties?

parlabaracus said...

Yeah, that's actually a moose knuckle.

Unless you actually have a vagina under there.

Fate said...

Oh daaaaaammmmnnnnn! That's awesome. I noticed the camel toe right away then the moobs. It's all good. You should keep the costume hidden and put it on every so often to disturb her.

ben said...

the only thing that costume is missing is a beer.

The Girl said...

Holy shit, dude. I just read this, and it's like midnight-o-thirty and I'm at work, at my very serious job, and I swear to god I almost passed out.

You can't make pregnant women laugh that hard. We'll die.